Being a Mormon mom, I am expected to have certain skills in the homemaking department. At least that is what I have always believed (maybe those beliefs are from my own head). But I have had a lot of guilt as a wife and mother because I don't possess very many of those skills.
Somehow, I didn't inherit the homemaking gene, other than cooking. I am actually a pretty decent cook, when I want to be. When my kids were little, I used to cook meals from scratch every day, mostly because we didn't have a lot of money and I couldn't afford processed foods or fast food. Now that I work full-time, my idea of a homemade meal is a box of macaroni and cheese. It's very sad. But at least I know that I CAN cook if I need to.
Here are some things I definitely DON'T do well:
Sewing: I learned a little about sewing as a teenager (in school, and a little of what my mom taught me), but when I sewed, I spent most of my time un-picking all my stitches and doing it over again so many times, that I decided sewing just wasn't for me. I decided I'd be buying my clothes, and my family's clothes, off the rack.
Knitting/Crocheting: My mom used to knit and crochet things for our family all the time. I don't know why I didn't ever ask her to teach me, and she never offered. I guess I wasn't too interested, until I grew up and wished I could make things for my own family like she did. My oldest daughter actually DID ask her grandma to teach her to crochet, and now she does possess that talent. She crocheted a beautiful baby afghan for her sister when she had her baby. It made me cry. I was touched, and kinda jealous.
Crafts: I actually like to do crafts, but I am such a perfectionist that I don't let myself feel good about what I make. It's never good enough. That takes all the joy out of it, so I don't do it much unless it's something I sign up to do at Relief Society Super Saturday.
Baking: Above I mentioned that I'm a decent cook, but one thing I don't do much of is bake. The only time I bake a dessert is when I make a cake for my kid's birthday using a cake mix (although I used to bake cakes from scratch when we were too poor to buy a mix). I was never the mom who would bake cookies with her kids. I don't know if I've ever done that. My niece, who is a wonderful cook and baker, used to tell me she was going to come over and show me how to turn on my oven. Rude.
Ironing: When I was first married, my husband told me how he loved his dress shirts all crisp and ironed. I immediately knew I was in trouble. I remember once, when we were first married, trying to iron his shirt the way he wanted it. I really tried my best! He never asked me to do it again, and he gave up on the crisply ironed shirt idea (unless he did it himself).
My idea of ironing has always been spraying the shirt or other clothing item with water, then throwing it in the dryer for 10 minutes. Works pretty good! If I ever accidentally bought something that I later learned needed to be ironed (usually after I washed it once and it came out of the dryer all crinkled up) it would end up in the give-away bag, or thrown away. I remember pulling my ironing board out of the dark recess of my closet once, and all my kids standing around it and saying, "Mommy, what is that thing?"
Decorating: I love to look at decorating blogs and magazines and dream of doing some of those things in my house, but none of it ever happens. I have lived in my current house for 13 years, and have never painted a single wall here. The walls are the same white color that was here when we moved in (plus a lot of nicks and chips). I have only bought a piece of furniture once, in the 28 years I've been married, and it was a cheap dining table and chairs. Everything else in my house (couches, beds, dressers, etc.) are used or a hand-me-down from a family member. I basically have the same decorations and pictures on my walls that I had at my previous house (and those things are not very cute). I don't know if I lack confidence or if I just can't decide what I want to do.
Housecleaning: This is the area in which I have carried the most shame. If I am missing any gene in the homemaking department, it has to be the cleaning gene. I have never been good at keeping my home clean or organized. I have always been reluctant to ask people over to my house for dinner or for any other reason. For many years I didn't ask anyone over, EVER. When my visiting teachers would come unannounced, I would often talk to them on the porch or sit outside in a lawn chair because I was too embarrassed to let them in my dirty house. Now, I know some of you are thinking that maybe I had a few toys laying around, or someone left their shoes on the floor, but it was much more than that. My house was always a MESS. A dirty mess. A cluttered, dirty mess. If you've ever watched an episode of Hoarders, take it down a notch or two, and you'd have my house back then. I don't know if it was my tendency to procrastinate, or even my perfectionism that caused this, but it has been a trial in my life, and my family's lives as well. I know my kids were always embarrassed to bring friends home. It makes me sad to think about.
My hubby actually found a way to get the house cleaner though. He would invite people over without asking me first. He'd come home from work and casually tell me that So and So was coming over for dinner tomorrow. I'd flip out. I'd cry. I'd yell. I'd beg him to cancel. When he wouldn't, I'd go on a cleaning frenzy trying to make the house half-way presentable for company (which it really never was). My husband knew that this was the best way to get the house cleaner, so that's why he did it. It didn't make me very happy though.
My house is a little better now that it used to be. I've learned to keep my living room somewhat clean in case I have company. I can even let my visiting teachers come in and sit down. I can get my house company-ready a lot more quickly now, because I don't let things get so bad, but they are still somewhat bad in many ways. I still struggle. One day I hope to conquer my dirty house once and for all, and keep it clean every day. I'm getting there. I'm sure I will feel more at peace once I get there.
Even though I know I'm not very adept in the homemaking department, there ARE things I do well. I know I have hidden talents (sometimes they seem hidden from even me) but as I get older and wiser, I am discovering them, and learning not to beat myself up for the things I don't do as well. I know my Heavenly Father loves me, exactly as I am, and I am grateful for the gifts and talents that he has given me, even if they aren't in homemaking. I am learning that I don't have to be perfect at it. I just need to keep on doing a little better. :)
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